Last week, I wrote this post and put it on Facebook. It was birthed from a place of urgency from the Lord. It was also a timely word and for me, one of the greatest revelation moments I have ever had. I’d like to share it here.
I have never written such a long post but I felt the Lord pressing me to share this.
This morning has been exhausting and frustrating. I had 5 hours of interrupted sleep last night, Abby has been throwing tantrums and Anna has been extremely fussy. After being up for an hour, I already felt like a failure.
We went about our morning and loaded the girls up for a youth event. As soon as we arrived, things kept going downhill. Abby started throwing the fit of her life and I became overwhelmed with not knowing what to do. It is so out of the norm for her. Meanwhile, Anna was becoming increasingly agitated in my absence as I was dealing with Abby. I finally looked at Kaleb and told him he would just have to drop us back off at the house and I would just have to miss out. As we walked out to the van with two crying children, I felt so low. Kaleb was awesome, as always. He affirmed me to the point where I was actually believing him – haha. I agreed to drive the van around the parking lot to get our tired, cranky girls to sleep while he finished a meeting.
And there God met with me.
He whispered one word to me: “Nearness”. Then I lost it.
He showed me a picture of Anna – how she is not content with just being in the same room with me. If she knows that I am there, she does whatever it takes to get my attention. She cries out, reaches for me and stays persistent. The moment I pick her up, she grips me with all of her strength and brings her body and face in as close as possible. She showers me with affection. It is a violent love.
And that is how our Father is with us. He is always present, but it’s not enough for Him. He is violently pursuing us and persistently getting our attention. He longs to be near us and intimate with us. Many times, I feel like Jesus is in the room with us when we feel “alone”, yet we sabotage ourselves and feel distant because we won’t accept His love. We’re not answering. So let Him love on you! Let Him grip you tight and saturate you with affection and grace. He is a Father and that’s what a father does.
So as I’m circling the parking lot in a big red van, just feeling overwhelmed with my Father’s love, I look back and make eye contact with Abby. She smiles at me, sighs and drifts off to sleep in contentment. She is near me and her world is back in order.
The Lord certainly works in mysterious ways. I allowed Him to use a temper tantrum for the history books as an opportunity for Him to teach me more about His character. He certainly is a good Father. I’ll bring this long post to a close with this scripture:
“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8