It’s Gonna Be Worth It

Since becoming a mom, I am more protective and cautious than I have ever been in my life. When I was single, I was adventurous and more carefree because it was only my life that I was concerned about. I had even reached a peaceful point in my early 20’s where I said, “Ok Lord, send me, no matter what the cost!” Not that I desired to be a martyr for Christ but I was accepting of the possibility. With great thankfulness, the Lord released me from that kind of life and called me to marriage and family, which were the deepest desires of my heart.
This is when my willingness to “give it all” began to shift. My life became more than just myself. First, I gained a husband, who is the person I love the most on this earth. Then our family grew and I became a mom to our two girls. Safety and protection immediately became a top concern to me. You won’t see me speeding through a yellow light just to get somewhere two minutes faster since I have my babies in the backseat. I no longer try to find a parking spot that is closer to the door, but instead, one that is beside a cart return so that I can load and unload my babies safely. My eyes are always on my girls, even if they are in the arms of someone I trust with their life. I am always asking Kaleb to text me when he arrives or leaves a destination. Their lives matter to me.

So when Jesus asks me to give everything to Him and consider anything other than Him of lesser value, I find myself hesitating. I’m not afraid to admit this – I need to admit this and not walk in denial because I don’t want to operate in fear. I don’t want to give Him anything less than what He asks of me.

Why is this such a hard concept for me to accept? 

Because I know the state that the world is in. I understand what may be required of Christians in the future and what the consequences of standing firm in our faith may be. I love my husband and my children, but I know the potential situations we could end up in as Christians. 

Could I be “ok” with watching my children be martyred in front of me if I or they do not deny Christ? Can I find peace in knowing that if we raise our family right, we will never truly lose each other since there is a glorious eternity waiting for all of us?

The answer is yes. Because my Father is not a giver of fear, but of peace. 
But I’ll be honest, it’s not a place I have come to yet. I have peace but sometimes fear trickles in. This is where Kindgom living can seem unappealing, when in fact, it’s the complete opposite!

What would it be like to walk in absolute, complete freedom and reckless abandon?! To say, “God, I choose you! No matter what the cost! My house doesn’t matter, my status doesn’t matter, my money doesn’t matter, my family doesn’t matter, and I don’t matter! It was all Yours to begin with, so why do I covet these things as if they are mine?!”

I want this kind of freedom! My husband and I will continue a heavy pursuit of Jesus and our children will begin their pursuit of Him at a very early age. They will walk in the gifting of the Holy Spirit and with greater authority than we ever will.

Because I want to live in great peace knowing that my entire family will be together in eternity.

I don’t care who I offend if we choose not to participate or be fully committed in sports. I’d rather see them worshipping their Father and weeping over souls in a House of Prayer than skipping church for basketball practice or a tournament. I don’t care who judges us for taking our kids out in rough areas to evangelize and pray for hurting, lost, and possibly dangerous people. I don’t care who talks about us for not doing “Santa Claus” or the “Easter Bunny” because we want our children to never question the reality of Holy Spirit. I don’t care if people know that we do not celebrate Halloween because of the darkness that can infiltrate your soul for participating in an anti-Christ holiday, no matter how “innocent” the approach. I don’t care who whispers when we tell our children not to run and play in the sanctuary because it is a place of reverance.

My children will not stray from their Father. They will be in pursuit of Him for their whole lives. I won’t have to worry about their eternity. And that’s what gives me peace in our current state of the world. This is how, as a protective and cautious mother, I am able to find peace in giving Jesus EVERYTHING. 

Everything, including my family.

This has not been an easy process and is still on my mind daily. While I pray and intercede that my family will never be faced with this kind of situation, I still pray for peace if it ever does. 

The Lord is good and brings revelation moments at just the right moments. I was driving to the grocery store today with the girls napping in the backseat. I had a playlist going and started in prayer, but felt the Lord tell me just to listen and be still. A song then came on, which is one that I’ve listened to many times and really like. But hearing it this time brought me to a different place of peace I had never felt before with this song. It’s a song by Leeland called, “Where You Are”. The lyrics to the chorus go like this:

I just wanna be where You are               I just wanna be near Your heart  There is nothing like Your love     There is nothing like Your love

I felt like Jesus gave me a glimpse of eternity. I can’t explain it. It made me truly long for heaven and to be with Jesus forever. It made me realize how glorious of a moment it would be if my family was separated by death. Yes, it would be devastating. Yes, it would be painful. Yes, there would be great sorrow and grieving. But also a great peace and rejoicing knowing that I would KNOW there would be a reunion in heaven with our Father and our family.

Again, I never ever want this to happen to my family. I am not declaring martyrdom over my family. But I am accepting all aspects of Kingdom living and walking in more freedom than ever before! 

I’ll end with a few lyrics from this Rita Springer song:

The sight of Your face is all I need

So I will say to You       

It’s gonna be worth it

It’s gonna be worth it all

Jesus, I just want to be where You are. I want to be more like you and truly see You as the only thing of value. I turn my family over to You and trust Your leadership in protecting our eternity with You, together. You are so much greater than anything. You are worth it all!

“Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you will also live.” John 14:19

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Early Mornings

When it comes to sleep, I want as much as possible. Even before “adulting”, I would typically be in bed early so that I could get 8 to 9 hours of sleep at night. I am not a night-owl, nor am I am morning person. Ha…meaning I need my sleep so that I’m not unpleasant to be around.

Of course, having kids changed my sleeping habits. I can’t remember the last time I had 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Somehow, I’ve managed to adapt to still be a functioning member of society during the day! But I’ll admit that I still have my struggles.

As a mom, I have been created to be the nurturer, the caretaker, the comforter. Even during times when I’d rather be sleeping. I must confess that at 3 AM I have not been the most “loving” mother to my children.

Especially this past week.

For 4 nights in a row, Anna woke up multiple times, which would then wake her older sister up as well. Looking back, I should have handled those nights way better. I allowed myself to become frustrated immediately for one simple reason – I just wanted to sleep.

So selfish.

Anna needed me. She wanted me. Why else would she cry out in the middle of the night? Shouldn’t she know that her mom will be there for her at any time, no matter what? These are things I pray for both of my girls – that they would find comfort, safety and love in their Daddy and I for their whole life. That they will never hesitate to reach out to us, no matter what the situation. I’ve been making the mistake of only applying those prayers to their future and not in the present.

When Anna cries during the night, she is looking for me. She’s wanting to know that she is safe and that I’m available. That I’m there.

It’s just how the Father is with us. He’s always available. He keeps us safe. He comforts. When we cry out to Him, He is there no matter what the situation. He just says, “Come to me. I’m all you need. I’m your everything. I’m here.”

That is what He spoke to me during that fourth morning of early wake-up calls. I had a choice that morning. To lack in love or to be full of love. I prayed for grace and His presence and this is the lesson He taught me as I was rocking my baby back to sleep.

I’m always praying to be a better parent and daily interceding for my girls. He used those dreaded wake-up calls as a teaching moment for me. His love for me allows me to model that same type of love to my girls. Finally, after 4 long nights, I listened.

Such grace.

Last night, Anna woke up once during the night and my approach was different. But so was her response. 2 minutes later, we were both back to sleep for the rest of the night. 🙂

Will those early mornings still happen? Yes. Will I still be sleepy? Absolutely. Is it worth it?

Definitely.

In the morning, Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3

There’s just something different about meeting with the Father in the morning. How has your life been impacted by choosing to meet with Him in the morning?

DIY Mirror Vase

Fall is in the air and it feels gorgeous!
Today was a perfect day for some DIY fun. I’ve been meaning to do this project for a while! I saw this type of spraypaint featured on one of those random sponsored Facebook ads a couple of months ago. It’s called “Looking Glass Mirror-Like” spraypaint and I’ve seen some awesome results pictures from it.

I got a cheap 97 cent vase to test it out.


The results were amazing!

It took about 3 coats, which unfortunately was the whole can. That’s kind of a downside – the can was about $8. Haha. But on the plus side you can make matching sets out of anything! So I think the cost is fair. I was just a little spraypaint happy this time. 😬 

Here’s the final result – I added a couple of cheap fake florals from Wal-Mart (less than $2!).


Of course, after I was finished, I was like this…


Haha. 

DIY success! The girls got to join in on the fun too, but from a distance since I used spraypaint. Abby was absorbed in sidewalk chalk world and Anna watched from her walker.


While it dried, we walked all over our mountain. Abby is quite the explorer…Anna just went along for the ride.


To sum this up, we had a wonderful day! I love the idea of repurposing and I especially love involving my girls. 

Oh…and I picked up some paint swatches while I was out today, so stay tuned! 😉

I’m obsessed with fall! I never really experienced it in Florida so now I look forward to it with much anticipation! What are some of your favorite fall activities?

Lost And Found

Today was quite traumatic.

I had taken the girls to the mall for the afternoon so Kaleb could work on his online classes. After I let them play in the kids play area, we ate lunch in the food court and they quickly let me know that they were over this outing. Crying, whining, breaking out of the straps to the stroller….you get the idea. I all but sprinted to the car and got them loaded up, only to find that the worst possible thing in the world had happened.
Abby’s blue puppy was missing! 

The puppy she carries with her everywhere. The puppy she sleeps with every night. Puppy, that can be seen in more than half of the pictures we take of her. 

I was instantly panicked. I didn’t dare try the stroller again, but knew we had to go back in and find puppy. I threw Anna in the Tula carrier on my back and carried Abby on my hip.

I looked like a crazy person. I was on the verge of tears and out of breath as I was literally speed walking through the mall retracing my steps. Abby was tired and screaming and I was frustrated so we had to end our search early. 

I loaded them up again, sat in the driver’s seat and sobbed. I’m talking ugly cry, moaning, you’d think someone just died kind of sobbing. I started praying and begging that God would lead Kaleb to puppy. At this point, I’d already called him and he volunteered to come back and search. I even said, “Lord, there’s nothing I’ve ever needed more!” 

Then God spoke to me in that moment and convicted me in the most loving way.

He asked, “When is the last time you have contended for something with such passion and drive as you are now about puppy?”

Wow. Ouch. Thank you, Lord.

He’s right. Why am I not on my face, crying out….sobbing…for salvation. For healings. For His presence. For the nations. For our country. For abortion to end. 

My excuses have to stop. “I just can’t get alone time away from the kids long enough.” Well today, I sobbed and prayed for puppy to be found with both girls in the backseat! Why shouldn’t they see me praying with such passion?

God is good and gets even better. Kaleb went back to the mall to search for puppy. About an hour later he called me to video chat. When I answered, who was on the screen?

Puppy 🙂

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7


Little Girl Giggles

My two girls were sitting on the floor in the living room, playing contently together. I needed to walk into the kitchen to refresh my coffee so I took the opportunity while I didn’t have a tiny person needing their Mama. I was gone for about 2 seconds when I heard the most precious sound.
Little girl giggles.

Sister giggles.

I snuck back in to see what the giggling was all about. I didn’t want them to see me and stop doing whatever it was that was causing their laughter.

I managed to get a picture of the scene and it was the cutest. Abby had gotten ahold of her sister’s puffs and poured them out all over Anna’s lap. It was the most hilarious thing in the world to both of them. By this point Anna had a belly laugh going on!


While I could have gotten upset over the mess, I chose to embrace the memory. But it wasn’t my memory…it was theirs. One of many that they will make together. 

When we found out we were pregnant with Anna, I’ll admit that I was more overwhelmed than excited at first. Abby was only 5 months old and I was still figuring her out. But God knew what He was doing. He wasn’t just blessing me with two daughters…He was blessing Abby and Anna with a sister and a best friend. They will always have each other. What a joy it is to have them so close in age. 

My prayer as their mom is that they are always close. That they continue to make memories together. That they don’t find themselves in petty fights. That they will always be best friends. That they will challenge each other, lift each other up and grow in God together.

And that they never stop giggling.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
My children are always teaching me more about the love of the Father. What have you learned from having children?