Seed Generation

Since the fall, the earth and all of creation has been waiting for the awakening of Sons and Daughters to the fullness of their identity of Christ in them. The Kingdom has been set up to advance…however…

History will continue to repeat and cycle itself.
Generations will continue to start low, rather than higher than the one before them.

That is, until there is a generation bold enough to plant a seed out of faith that they may never get to see the resulting fruit of in their lifetime.

It’s a sacrifice that may cause the world to mock at your life free of the system, living in “radical” freedom. And you may have to endure rejection, criticism and hatred of those without eyes to see or ears to hear. Oh, but to have all of your treasures in Heaven, spending your life operating from the currency of Heaven, is worth it all.

To surrender your life to breaking curses, finding your identity through His eyes alone, remembering and fighting for the restoration of all things with love (and without a sword) and learning all over again how to love Him with ALL your heart, soul and mind…it’s an honor to perhaps never be known. To be the one to walk through the fire so that your great-great-great-great grandchildren are born into a world where hospitals don’t exist because Sons and Daughters are walking in the fullness of their image-bearing identities, healing the sick in their shadows with Christ in them. Where they have to ask the question “What is sin?” because the Kingdom becomes so advanced.

Even Abraham was promised a legacy out of obedience in planting the seed of trust and total surrender. God followed through with this promise, but it took many generations to fulfill and Abraham was content and found rest in that.

We may not be here 6 generations from now, but they matter now. What we do presently – matters. Because there WILL be a day when Sons and Daughters are operating in the fullness of authority Jesus has told us that we have access to walk in. But it has to start somewhere.

Church has looked the same for many, many generations. And the world isn’t looking any different. Generations should be moving from glory to glory and the world should be looking restored, yet we are still living in the same curses and brokenness that our past generations lived through.

It’s time for a generation to plant its seed in good, rich, fertile soil to see a harvest that yields fruit from Heaven and not religion. And for that generation to be ok with being hidden under the soil, maybe never getting to see the sprout break through the soil in their lifetime…but with the promise that it will grow in integrity and fullness through their legacy.

He is faithful to His promises and His goodness is always available. He has made it clear several times through His word that we are not slaves – so find freedom outside of the slavery of religion and the boldness to live your life with eyes towards Zion.

Because when a generation comes around that pursues His face in the freedom of the wilderness, the Kingdom will advance exponentially as He fulfills His promise of “on Earth as it is in Heaven.”

Let’s plant the seed. Let’s BE the seed.

“God’s kingdom realm is like someone spreading seed on the ground. He goes to bed and gets up, day after day, and the seed sprouts and grows tall, though he knows not how. All by itself it sprouts, and the soil produces a crop; first the green stem, and then the head on the stalk; and then the fully developed grain in the head. Then, when the grain is ripe, he immediately puts the sickle to the grain, because harvest time has come.” Mark 4:26-29

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Oaks of Righteousness

“…That they may be called Oaks of Righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He May be glorified.” Isaiah 61:3

I’ve been reading a lot about trees lately. I can’t stop. I’m surrounded by them where I live and I breathe in their richness everyday. I feel the breeze of mercy flowing through their branches as they bend and yield to the winds of change. To see them is to see His nature and I can’t stop looking because there is always more to reveal. In these books I’m reading, even the most “worldly” of scientists penning the pages cannot deny the spiritual connection that trees have, even if they don’t fully understand it. What they do know is that trees are marvelous, majestic, intricate, creative, intentional, communal and entirely relational.

Most have a basic knowledge of trees as far as photosynthesis and the water cycle. But oh, trees are the lifeline of the entire world.

They purify the air as they exhale the purest form of elements needed for life. Not only does this occur in the area the tree is planted but it sends this purified air as far as the oceans.

They keep deserts from drying up. Even in areas of little rain, trees soak up every bit of provision and designate it where it needs to go throughout the seasons.

They rely on each other and constantly support each other, especially those that are weak. It has been observed that when a tree falls, surrounding trees will keep the stump alive for hundreds of years, supplying nutrients through their roots. They are relational and find that it benefits them all to have a stump with roots intertwined with theirs, thriving with life instead of rotting and decaying.

They restore chemical imbalances in the soil through the integrity of their being. They are able to sense disorder and provide balance through their natural, built-in processes of yielding.

In the same manner, we – as Sons and Daughters – have been created as Oaks of Righteousness. Created in His image as marvelous, majestic, intricate, creative, intentional, communal and entirely relational. From a seed, this has always been the core of our DNA and is our destiny.

If only we could see it, know it, believe it, identify with it and live it.

We were made to purify the air with our breath not only in our surroundings, but for it to reach the oceans.

We were made to be an oasis in the desert to not only keep it from drying up, but to inhabit it and transform it.

We were made to operate as a Body in unity because everyone is important and is made in His image.

We were made to restore balance and bring order to the Earth not in our trying, but in our yielding.

And in operating in this identity as an Oak of Righteousness, the Kingdom-building byproduct is found in verse 4:

“They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.”

In the end, it all points back to Him – “That He May be glorified” or “That He May display His beauty” or “For the display of His splendor”.

He displays His beauty through His sons and daughters. What great love. What a Father He is that He would create us as and call us Righteous.

What a Father that He would build His Kingdom through us – all in looking at and yielding to Him. We get to look at His face in every moment of every day and in return, He transforms us and brings restoration to the world.

We are Oaks of Righteousness.

Let’s live it.

Just a small facet of – “Christ in me, the hope of glory”

Grace

Some days in parenting are tougher than others. Today was certainly one of those days. The kids were up way too early, nap-time was a hassle with one kid transitioning to a toddler bed, it was hot (our air conditioner couldn’t keep up with the heat outside) and it seemed that everyone just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Anna, in particular, pushed and pushed the boundaries as far as she could today. It all finally climaxed in a stand-off between her and I, which ended with her crying and throwing objects across the living room in response to my yelling at her.

It was not pretty. Especially on my end.

By the time we were preparing for bedtime, I was drowning in guilt. I felt like I was just marking another big “fail” checkmark on my parenting for the day. Just another fail to add to the list. Our bedtime routine was a bit different tonight, which ended with all the kids being asleep in their beds except for Anna. Instead of walking her to her bed and staying in her room until she fell asleep, I picked her up and started rocking her in the living room.

I don’t think I’ve rocked her to sleep since she was younger than 2.

I didn’t say anything and we just started rocking. I could tell she was looking at me so I turned to face her. We locked eyes and she broke out with the biggest smile in her face. She then reached her hand out and touched my face, looked at me for a few seconds and then went straight to sleep.

Without saying a word, she taught me grace.

We both knew what went down throughout the day. She knew my downfalls, flaws and imperfections and loved me. She genuinely, deeply loved and forgave me anyway. She just longed to be close to me.

But much more than that, she taught me the deeper parts of grace. When God shows us grace, He is not looking past our downfalls and turning the other cheek. He acknowledges them and says I am yours and you are mine – no matter what. However, we are not going to ignore this. Instead, we will face this together head on and tackle your burdens and your sin until this part of you becomes beautiful.

When Anna put her hand in my face, we both acknowledged the flaws of the day without saying a word. But I also felt her forgiveness as Holy Spirit began to speak to my heart about my poor reactions and attitude. I felt driven to do better and be better.

I felt grace. Thanks to my sweet, passionate Anna Grace.

Be Intentional

A while back, I posted about our season of waiting on the Lord. We are still in this season and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I have felt frustrated and isolated, while at the same time remaining hopeful and learning to rest with Jesus. It hasn’t been until very recently that I made the decision to just fully embrace having to wait instead of wishing it were over. I’ll be honest – it’s been hard up to this point. I just wanted answers. I wanted vision. I wanted to move on.

What I had been lacking to see and understand was that this season was supposed to be special. I had failed to understand that it was an invitation from the Lord. And what I know about invitations is that they are given with careful selection. I remember as a kid, when I had a birthday party coming up, I made a list of friends that I wanted to invite. They were all people that I personally chose, knowing that their presence at my party would make it intimate and special to me.

So when I came to this realization, I asked the Lord what waiting should look like for me. Practically. Because up to this point, all I had been doing was literally, physically waiting. Sure, I was praying, seeking answers, all of those things….but it just felt like a dead end. So again, when I asked, He answered with two words.

Be intentional.

I sat there trying to imagine what ‘intentional waiting’ looked like, which seemed contradictory. And in His perfect love, He immediately showed me this picture:

My husband is my favorite person in the world. I love when he’s around, I thoroughly enjoy his company and I never feel like a need a ‘break’ from him. He works during the week until 5, meaning he’s usually home around 5:30. When he’s gone, I do miss him. I miss his presence in our home. I’m eagerly anticipating when he gets home, making a list in my head of things I want to talk to him about or show him. More importantly, I’m excited about the quality time we will spend together and with the girls.

So I spend my day ‘waiting’ on him to get home. But I’m not just sitting in a chair watching the clock. I’m taking care of our 3 girls, doing housework, singing ‘Baby Shark’ for the 215^th time that day, making lists, planning piano lessons, fitting a workout in, making dinner, etc. Once 4:00 starts to roll around, this excitement starts building up. I know Kaleb will be home soon. There’s this sense of anticipation in the room and the girls can feel it too. They’ll start looking out the door saying, “Daddy’s coming!” Finally, we can hear the car coming up our long, mountainous driveway and there’s such an eagerness in the air. When he opens the door and walks into the room, the atmosphere in our home changes.

Kaleb doesn’t even have to say a thing. His presence is enough. I waited all day for him to come home and without fail, he did. It’s all I need.

As I’m picturing this, the Lord pointed out my intentional waiting. During the day I was living and thriving, taking care of my family’s needs and finding joy in things that I love and enjoy – all while waiting for Kaleb to come.

So in this process, I am choosing to be intentional.

Intentional with my marriage.

Intentional with my parenting.

       Intentional with my hobbies and interests.

Intentional with my ideas and dreams.

Most importantly, I am going to be intentional with my pursuit of Jesus. I’m pursuing Him and nothing else. Not answers, not what He can do for me, not just what I can solely get out of the relationship. Just Him. He longs to reveal Himself to us if only we will take the time to get to know Him.

His presence is enough. When He comes, He doesn’t even have to say a thing.

I remember when my husband and I first starting dating. We spent so much time asking each other questions to get to know each other. After being married and knowing each other as long as we have, it’s so much deeper than knowing ‘surface’ things about each other. I can tell what he’s thinking, I understand his journey and I am still pursuing him daily to find out more.

And in my relationship with Jesus, I’m not satisfied with just surface things. I want to sing songs with lyrics like, “I want to know your heart” with integrity, truly understanding what that kind of pursuit looks like. But it takes being intentional. Not just going through a devotional journal in order to cross it off a to-do list, but really listening and finding Him during the day. Finding Him in my marriage, in my girls – in Abby’s eyes, in Anna’s smile and in Rebekah’s joy, and in our dreams.

We have had several prophetic words spoken over us the past few months – all encouraging, all beyond the season of waiting – however, they are void if I don’t put forth the effort. I see this happen so often in prophecy. People think that if they are given a word that is ‘future driven’, it’ll just happen on it’s own. There’s a cost to see it come to fruition.

It’s like waiting on a pizza to be delivered to your house, yet never picking up the phone to call in the order.

The Lord comes through on his promises. He has promised so many wonderful things for our family’s future, but our present is still awesome! Instead of looking for answers for the future, I chose to focus on Him in the present. He has selected us to walk with Him through this season of waiting. It has been a special invitation to intimacy this whole time and I just now am seeing it. I can feel Him shifting things in me, realigning my heart and renewing my mind.

So my encouragement is this – if you’re in a season of waiting, be intentional.

Pursue Him, find Him, get to know His heart. Get to the point where there is an eagerness in your heart while waiting for Him to come. Wait with anticipation.

Because He will come, I promise. Just don’t miss out on what you can learn about Him in the waiting like I almost did.

Be intentional.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. Psalm 130:5-6

What have you learned during your season of waiting?

He’s In the Waiting.

It’s been a while since my last blog post. Over 6 months, to be exact.

For our family, these past 6 months have been a complete whirlwind of emotions. We have experienced times of excitement, expectancy and contentment…as well as grieving, confusion and frustration. All over one word.

Transition.

When the Lord began to whisper this word to us, it put us in a strange place. A good place…but strange, nonetheless. My husband, Kaleb, and I each began to handle it differently, yet together. I think that’s the beauty of our relationships with Jesus. He knows me. He knows Kaleb. He knows how to communicate with us individually in a way that benefits and grows our marriage.

Without needing to go into much detail, we felt the Lord leading us to lay down our current job in ministry. At first it was hard to comprehend. In our imperfect, human minds, we felt the need to keep holding on until we knew what was coming next. Usually, when you transition in ministry, you already have something that follows and it usually requires moving. But the Lord had a different plan. He very clearly let us know that He was asking us to obey step one – lay it down.

Without knowing what comes next. Hence, the roller coaster of emotions.

At this point, I’ll share my side of the story and what I have learned in my personal journey. When I took time to reflect on the past 6 months, I came to the conclusion that I’ve learned – and I mean, truly learned, two things about Jesus and who He is.

He is good.

I’m in love with His goodness. Everything about Him is good. He’s a good Father, a good friend, a good listener, a good advocate, a good presence, a good disciplinarian and a good God. I used to unfairly question His goodness when things around me were not understandable. I used to find fault in Him when things got hard.

But He has just completely covered me with grace and showered me with affection during this season of correction and revelation. His grace is so good.

He truly cannot let me down. He has become my song in the morning, my rock, my hope, and my breath. He takes bad situations, which He does not create, and brings good out of them. For a long time, a part of me did not believe this. There was a nasty piece of me that was always cynical about who God is. Thankfully, He lovingly corrected me and renewed my mind. It’s actually completely refreshing to not have preconceived ideas about how I think He is and how I think He should move. It’s much more beautiful to reflect on His goodness and really see Him in everything. In nature, in other people, in myself and in His word. I can’t explain why bad things happen, but I can tell you from personal experience that He is good.

He’s in the waiting.

Back in December, God asked us to wait. I could not understand this at first and it caused me great anxiety. I didn’t know what exactly “wait” was exactly going to involve. I was guilty of associating a season of waiting with being “stuck”. But, oh, how wrong I was. Waiting has been the greatest thing that I have ever done for Him. I’ll take waiting any day.

It was during this time of waiting that I found Him. I mean, REALLY found Him. I have served Him my entire life but it hasn’t been until recently that I fell in love with Him. He showed me that He has been pursuing me before I was even a thought. All it finally took was me pursuing Him back. Not pursuing ministry, not pursuing acts of service, not pursuing a church service, not pursuing “what’s right”, not pursuing religion.

Just Him. Only Him.

He’s been whispering to me for a while and I finally listened. I don’t care what it looks like to other people. I don’t care if people don’t understand our decisions. I don’t care if they don’t like the answers we do and don’t give about our transition.

What I care about is that I just want Jesus. And if He asks me to lay it all down, that’s what I’m going to do.

In the waiting, He has proven to me that He won’t fail me. He will take care of our growing family, our finances, our vehicle needs, our health, our house and our jobs. But more than that, He also cares about our hobbies and our interests! Our joy, our happiness.

In the waiting, He has talked to me. He promised me that during this time He wouldn’t be silent and that He would be present. He shows up sometimes when I am least expecting it and can’t help but feel loved and at complete peace. I’ve had memorable times where it’s just me sitting in the living room after my kids have gone to sleep. I would ask Him to come and He did. Right away. Just for me. It’s incredible. Sometimes He spoke. Sometimes He didn’t say anything, but He didn’t have to. His presence was enough.

This is the Jesus I am finally getting to know. If He asked us to lay it all down just for this, He has been worth it. He is still worth it. Worth it all.

He is good. He’s in the waiting.

It seems so simple. I have sung countless songs with these lyrics, but until I lived it and until Jesus encountered me in ways that only He knows how, I finally believe it. I could meditate on this side of Jesus forever, which is just mind-blowing there are never-ending characteristics about Him. I have fallen so in love with Him.

Is this still a scary time? Sure. There is tons of uncertainty. But what I can be certain about is that He is good. He is present. He holds our tomorrow, whatever that looks like. He’s madly in love with my family.

He is faithful to His promises.

He’s so good to me.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14

When did you find Him? What is your testimony?

“Trust Falls”

Do you ever find yourself struggling to fully implement something that you’ve heard time and time again from a pulpit, a spiritual mentor, from the Bible and from Holy Spirit? You make it a point to change your mindset and live out this Kingdom concept, but over the course of time realize that you just aren’t getting it.

In my case, it’s serving and trusting the Lord completely with a “child-like” faith.

I’ve heard the phrase and the teachings on this too many times to count. I’ve read passages in the Bible and spent time in prayer and fasting trying to capture this. The idea of it just seems so…relieving. Refreshing. No doubts or worries. Man, I want that.

I think this is where my analytical nature tends to hurt me. I spend too much time overthinking rather than putting my faith into action and watching God come through for me. I worry rather than trust.

But then, God used my 2 year old to teach me the greatest lesson about child-like faith.

Abby is currently into this thing called a “trust fall”. It’s where you fully commit to falling forward or backward, expecting another person to reach out and catch you before face-planting on the ground. In her version, she likes to climb on top of a table and suddenly fall without much warning to the second person in the room. Yet, she is always caught.

A couple of days ago, I was sitting in the recliner and she was on the other side of the room standing on top of a small table. I looked up and saw the look in her eyes. The glimmer. The twinkle. I tried to talk her out of it but my instincts told me that this was happening. In that same second, she began to fall forward and with some kind of Matrix move, I was across the room and there to catch her!

She didn’t just trust that I would catch her. She also expected it without doubt or hesitation. She knew that even though the current circumstance didn’t align with the typical process, I would come through for her in the end.

Jesus. Wow.

He’s the same and even better. I may look at a situation and find it impossible. I sing about it all the time in church – “Nothing is impossible for You” – and truly, in the moment of worship, I believe it. But when circumstances happen, I find myself struggling and putting God back into a box. I ask God how in the world He is going to make something work.

In these times, I think we struggle to operate with child-like faith because instead of being His children, we are operating as orphans. We act as if there is nobody there to advocate for us.

Abby perceives things in one way – I’m her parent and she is my child. She trusts that when she hands me her juice cup, I will have milk or juice to put in it. She trusts that after her bath, I will have clothes to put on her. She trusts that there will always be a clean diaper, a time of comfort after discipline, food on her plate, toys to play with and love from her parents. She doesn’t expect these things out of entitlement. She expects them because that’s what parents do.

In the same way, I expect provision and leadership from God because He’s a Father. That’s what Father’s do.

So I’m learning from my 2 year old how to approach our Father. With child-like faith. I’m going to start everyday with a “trust fall”. I’m not going to look a situation and react as if it’s impossible. I’m going to take the plunge forward and expect that my Father will always be there to catch me and take care of me and my family. I am going to pursue, trust and follow the counsel of Holy Spirit with every decision. I’m going to trust that He will guide us in our ministry and in our callings.

I’m going to put my money where my mouth is and not hold back or question the Lord when He gives me a certain number as the offering plate passes by. If the number seems impossible, DO IT. Let God show you how much you can trust Him.

Abby lives her little toddler life with such freedom, refreshing, and relief. I want what she’s got.

Keep trusting your daddy and I, sweet girl. We will always catch you.

And He said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

What is your testimony of trust? When is a time that you committed to a trust fall and God came through for you?

 

 

It’s Gonna Be Worth It

Since becoming a mom, I am more protective and cautious than I have ever been in my life. When I was single, I was adventurous and more carefree because it was only my life that I was concerned about. I had even reached a peaceful point in my early 20’s where I said, “Ok Lord, send me, no matter what the cost!” Not that I desired to be a martyr for Christ but I was accepting of the possibility. With great thankfulness, the Lord released me from that kind of life and called me to marriage and family, which were the deepest desires of my heart.
This is when my willingness to “give it all” began to shift. My life became more than just myself. First, I gained a husband, who is the person I love the most on this earth. Then our family grew and I became a mom to our two girls. Safety and protection immediately became a top concern to me. You won’t see me speeding through a yellow light just to get somewhere two minutes faster since I have my babies in the backseat. I no longer try to find a parking spot that is closer to the door, but instead, one that is beside a cart return so that I can load and unload my babies safely. My eyes are always on my girls, even if they are in the arms of someone I trust with their life. I am always asking Kaleb to text me when he arrives or leaves a destination. Their lives matter to me.

So when Jesus asks me to give everything to Him and consider anything other than Him of lesser value, I find myself hesitating. I’m not afraid to admit this – I need to admit this and not walk in denial because I don’t want to operate in fear. I don’t want to give Him anything less than what He asks of me.

Why is this such a hard concept for me to accept? 

Because I know the state that the world is in. I understand what may be required of Christians in the future and what the consequences of standing firm in our faith may be. I love my husband and my children, but I know the potential situations we could end up in as Christians. 

Could I be “ok” with watching my children be martyred in front of me if I or they do not deny Christ? Can I find peace in knowing that if we raise our family right, we will never truly lose each other since there is a glorious eternity waiting for all of us?

The answer is yes. Because my Father is not a giver of fear, but of peace. 
But I’ll be honest, it’s not a place I have come to yet. I have peace but sometimes fear trickles in. This is where Kindgom living can seem unappealing, when in fact, it’s the complete opposite!

What would it be like to walk in absolute, complete freedom and reckless abandon?! To say, “God, I choose you! No matter what the cost! My house doesn’t matter, my status doesn’t matter, my money doesn’t matter, my family doesn’t matter, and I don’t matter! It was all Yours to begin with, so why do I covet these things as if they are mine?!”

I want this kind of freedom! My husband and I will continue a heavy pursuit of Jesus and our children will begin their pursuit of Him at a very early age. They will walk in the gifting of the Holy Spirit and with greater authority than we ever will.

Because I want to live in great peace knowing that my entire family will be together in eternity.

I don’t care who I offend if we choose not to participate or be fully committed in sports. I’d rather see them worshipping their Father and weeping over souls in a House of Prayer than skipping church for basketball practice or a tournament. I don’t care who judges us for taking our kids out in rough areas to evangelize and pray for hurting, lost, and possibly dangerous people. I don’t care who talks about us for not doing “Santa Claus” or the “Easter Bunny” because we want our children to never question the reality of Holy Spirit. I don’t care if people know that we do not celebrate Halloween because of the darkness that can infiltrate your soul for participating in an anti-Christ holiday, no matter how “innocent” the approach. I don’t care who whispers when we tell our children not to run and play in the sanctuary because it is a place of reverance.

My children will not stray from their Father. They will be in pursuit of Him for their whole lives. I won’t have to worry about their eternity. And that’s what gives me peace in our current state of the world. This is how, as a protective and cautious mother, I am able to find peace in giving Jesus EVERYTHING. 

Everything, including my family.

This has not been an easy process and is still on my mind daily. While I pray and intercede that my family will never be faced with this kind of situation, I still pray for peace if it ever does. 

The Lord is good and brings revelation moments at just the right moments. I was driving to the grocery store today with the girls napping in the backseat. I had a playlist going and started in prayer, but felt the Lord tell me just to listen and be still. A song then came on, which is one that I’ve listened to many times and really like. But hearing it this time brought me to a different place of peace I had never felt before with this song. It’s a song by Leeland called, “Where You Are”. The lyrics to the chorus go like this:

I just wanna be where You are               I just wanna be near Your heart  There is nothing like Your love     There is nothing like Your love

I felt like Jesus gave me a glimpse of eternity. I can’t explain it. It made me truly long for heaven and to be with Jesus forever. It made me realize how glorious of a moment it would be if my family was separated by death. Yes, it would be devastating. Yes, it would be painful. Yes, there would be great sorrow and grieving. But also a great peace and rejoicing knowing that I would KNOW there would be a reunion in heaven with our Father and our family.

Again, I never ever want this to happen to my family. I am not declaring martyrdom over my family. But I am accepting all aspects of Kingdom living and walking in more freedom than ever before! 

I’ll end with a few lyrics from this Rita Springer song:

The sight of Your face is all I need

So I will say to You       

It’s gonna be worth it

It’s gonna be worth it all

Jesus, I just want to be where You are. I want to be more like you and truly see You as the only thing of value. I turn my family over to You and trust Your leadership in protecting our eternity with You, together. You are so much greater than anything. You are worth it all!

“Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you will also live.” John 14:19

Early Mornings

When it comes to sleep, I want as much as possible. Even before “adulting”, I would typically be in bed early so that I could get 8 to 9 hours of sleep at night. I am not a night-owl, nor am I am morning person. Ha…meaning I need my sleep so that I’m not unpleasant to be around.

Of course, having kids changed my sleeping habits. I can’t remember the last time I had 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Somehow, I’ve managed to adapt to still be a functioning member of society during the day! But I’ll admit that I still have my struggles.

As a mom, I have been created to be the nurturer, the caretaker, the comforter. Even during times when I’d rather be sleeping. I must confess that at 3 AM I have not been the most “loving” mother to my children.

Especially this past week.

For 4 nights in a row, Anna woke up multiple times, which would then wake her older sister up as well. Looking back, I should have handled those nights way better. I allowed myself to become frustrated immediately for one simple reason – I just wanted to sleep.

So selfish.

Anna needed me. She wanted me. Why else would she cry out in the middle of the night? Shouldn’t she know that her mom will be there for her at any time, no matter what? These are things I pray for both of my girls – that they would find comfort, safety and love in their Daddy and I for their whole life. That they will never hesitate to reach out to us, no matter what the situation. I’ve been making the mistake of only applying those prayers to their future and not in the present.

When Anna cries during the night, she is looking for me. She’s wanting to know that she is safe and that I’m available. That I’m there.

It’s just how the Father is with us. He’s always available. He keeps us safe. He comforts. When we cry out to Him, He is there no matter what the situation. He just says, “Come to me. I’m all you need. I’m your everything. I’m here.”

That is what He spoke to me during that fourth morning of early wake-up calls. I had a choice that morning. To lack in love or to be full of love. I prayed for grace and His presence and this is the lesson He taught me as I was rocking my baby back to sleep.

I’m always praying to be a better parent and daily interceding for my girls. He used those dreaded wake-up calls as a teaching moment for me. His love for me allows me to model that same type of love to my girls. Finally, after 4 long nights, I listened.

Such grace.

Last night, Anna woke up once during the night and my approach was different. But so was her response. 2 minutes later, we were both back to sleep for the rest of the night. 🙂

Will those early mornings still happen? Yes. Will I still be sleepy? Absolutely. Is it worth it?

Definitely.

In the morning, Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3

There’s just something different about meeting with the Father in the morning. How has your life been impacted by choosing to meet with Him in the morning?

Am I Getting This Parenting Thing Right, Lord?

As a mom of two children under the age of 2, I often wonder,

“Am I getting this right?”

I am constantly seeking the Lord for guidance on raising my girls. He leads me to scriptures, He leads me to other couples with children, to books, and best of all, He uses the Holy Spirit to speak to me. 

A few days ago, the Lord showed me that YES…yes, I am doing it right. To not be anxious and to seek His righteousness and all would fall in order. 

I had a livestream feed of our revival services playing through the computer beside the recliner. The worship leader was singing while I was giving Anna, my youngest, her bottle. Abby walked up to the screen and without being prompted, started worshipping.

My 20 month old. Praying (in her own babble, but in my heart I knew it was fire!) and worshipping God with her hands raised!

What does this mean for me as a parent?

Everything.

She has been paying attention to her daddy and I. She sees us engaged in worship both at church and at home. She hears us praying. She is following our example. 

Thank you Lord for this confirmation! It is my desire to raise her and Anna to have hearts that burn for the Lord. I long to see them take the vow of a Nazarite, crying out for His glory with nothing else satisfying their hunger for God.

I know that I get some things wrong and am constantly growing and learning this whole parenting thing. BUT I also know that I am doing a lot of things right!

Start off children the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

What “aha” or confirmations have you received as a parent?

Nearness

Last week, I wrote this post and put it on Facebook. It was birthed from a place of urgency from the Lord. It was also a timely word and for me, one of the greatest revelation moments I have ever had. I’d like to share it here.

I have never written such a long post but I felt the Lord pressing me to share this.

This morning has been exhausting and frustrating. I had 5 hours of interrupted sleep last night, Abby has been throwing tantrums and Anna has been extremely fussy. After being up for an hour, I already felt like a failure. 

We went about our morning and loaded the girls up for a youth event. As soon as we arrived, things kept going downhill. Abby started throwing the fit of her life and I became overwhelmed with not knowing what to do. It is so out of the norm for her. Meanwhile, Anna was becoming increasingly agitated in my absence as I was dealing with Abby. I finally looked at Kaleb and told him he would just have to drop us back off at the house and I would just have to miss out. As we walked out to the van with two crying children, I felt so low. Kaleb was awesome, as always. He affirmed me to the point where I was actually believing him – haha. I agreed to drive the van around the parking lot to get our tired, cranky girls to sleep while he finished a meeting. 

And there God met with me.

He whispered one word to me: “Nearness”. Then I lost it.

He showed me a picture of Anna – how she is not content with just being in the same room with me. If she knows that I am there, she does whatever it takes to get my attention. She cries out, reaches for me and stays persistent. The moment I pick her up, she grips me with all of her strength and brings her body and face in as close as possible. She showers me with affection. It is a violent love.

And that is how our Father is with us. He is always present, but it’s not enough for Him. He is violently pursuing us and persistently getting our attention. He longs to be near us and intimate with us. Many times, I feel like Jesus is in the room with us when we feel “alone”, yet we sabotage ourselves and feel distant because we won’t accept His love. We’re not answering. So let Him love on you! Let Him grip you tight and saturate you with affection and grace. He is a Father and that’s what a father does.

So as I’m circling the parking lot in a big red van, just feeling overwhelmed with my Father’s love, I look back and make eye contact with Abby. She smiles at me, sighs and drifts off to sleep in contentment. She is near me and her world is back in order.

The Lord certainly works in mysterious ways. I allowed Him to use a temper tantrum for the history books as an opportunity for Him to teach me more about His character. He certainly is a good Father. I’ll bring this long post to a close with this scripture:

“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8